I Used To Love Personality Tests And I Regretted It
Stop trying to put yourself in a category.
As a high schooler, I was known as an awkward and quiet person. I found it hard to start a conversation with friends, and oftentimes I simply chose to avoid it at all cost. These traits automatically failed me to be popular. The bitter me then opt to get consolation from an unusual practice: the personality tests.
How come? You might ask. Well, from childhood to my 20s, I always felt like an outsider. I often wondered why I didn’t fit in. Desperate for a place to belong and acceptance, I found something interesting on the internet: a blood-type personality comic. Mine read as follows: People of this type are often perceived as geniuses or psychos. They can be unpredictable and curious. (Can you guess what type is it?)
But the blood-type personality turned out to be bogus. There is no way a presence of antigen in red blood cells could determine whether you were gonna be scared of the future or not. So I dug deep inside the web and discovered the love of my life: the MBTI test.
If you are unfamiliar with the MBTI test, this is the definition from Urban Dictionary: “The MBTI is the personality matrix invented by Catherine Briggs and Isabel Meyers. It expands upon the Jungian idea of archetypes and psychic energy, turning these into the basics of personal identities of 16 different types.” To this day, I still don’t know whether MBTI is scientific or not. But what I loved the most was that, among those types, introversion exists. Something that could explain my lack of social skills.
“Finally, finally I found a community where I belong!” my teenager self thought at the time. So I wasn’t socially awkward; I was someone who prefers to be alone. It was people who were unable to understand me, not I who couldn’t mesh with people.
In short, I was an edgy teenager.
My love for MBTI lasted for quite a long time. Even in my university days, I still searched for MBTI content when I was bored. The test results were inconsistent though, sometimes INTJ and at the other times INTP. I loved going through Pinterest to look at memes made by my fellow INTx friends.
However, soon I realized something was wrong. Why.. why all of the sudden I become a cynic? Why did I feel superior compared to my extrovert friends? Why was I proud of choosing to stay at home over going out with friends?
Without realizing it, I was slowly molded to conform to the description of my MBTI type.
Abort mission ASAP! Things were getting in an unhealthy direction and I needed to stop. Personality tests are supposed to tell me what kind of person I am, not what kind of person I should be. But, do you know what was the trigger that made me stop believing MBTI for good?
It is the fact that I am changing. I am growing as time goes by.
At 18, I was still the awkward freshman who couldn’t hold a conversation more than two sentences with new people.
At 19, I was suffering from social anxiety but at least I was now a part of a university club.
At 20, I was involved in university work that forced me to talk in front of hundreds of freshmen.
At 21, I was surrounded by villagers from varied age groups and I was thriving. I finally enjoyed being social.
And now, two days before my 23rd birthday, I can finally laugh at the memories of my edgy-teenager days. I no longer need acceptance from some personality tests and rather see my characters as something I can always work on. Instead of believing that I am someone who is not good with people, I often challenge myself to tackle those thoughts by going out and make new friends. There were occasions where my awkwardness peeked through, but that’s okay. There is plenty of time to work on that.
I am done trying to fit in and I am secured with my identity.
