Does Being An Adult Mean You Are Simply Existing In Life?
Adult life is boring.
I know, I ought to be grateful because my life is pretty comfortable. I have a job that pays a good salary, a very loving partner, and a healthy family that is supportive of what I want. One can say that my life is to be envied.
But, I guess it’s human nature always to feel that what they have is not enough. And sure enough, I feel like something is lacking.
When I was in high school, I never liked the idea of being an adult, thanks to the abundance of memes that adults share about how teenagers are foolish for wanting to be an adults. Being an adult comes with responsibilities, they said. Being an adult means you have to pay your own bills, which means you have to earn your own money. Nightmare!
But, I am not talking about the obvious.
I am talking about how dream-less adult life is. It is monotonous — aside from a salary raise announcement, nothing is exciting enough.
The older I get, the more pragmatic I get. The older I get, the less I hear people talking about what they want to be doing with their life or what their purpose in life is.
Each of us is going with the adult life flow — you graduated from college, got a job, and now you are in a repeated cycle of:
Going to work — sitting in front of your computer for 8 hours — getting back from your job — sleeping — repeat.
You are lucky if you love your job, but most of us are probably simply tolerating it.
And honestly, let’s say it, it is extremely boring.
When I was in university, I always thought that I would be someone who dedicated her life to something that I cared about. I was so sure I was going to work in the field that I loved since university.
But, I forgot to account for anxiety about the future — A disease every young adult experiences once they graduate from college.
Just like most adults, I was scared of the “real life”. I thought I was very sure of what I wanted, but then, scary thoughts came to mind like,
“I am not as smart as my peers, will I ever get a job in the field that I want?”
“Am I qualified, or will I ever be qualified?”
And thoughts were ruminated and it became an action. Or should I say, an absence of action, since I forbid myself to go for what I wanted, and follow the path where the money comes from.
And since then, that’s where I am at. Following the comfortable path, worrying about things that most adults can relate to: will I ever be able to buy a house, how old I can be before my mom is justifiably angry if I keep delaying marriage, etc etc.
I put the longing feeling of having a dream in the back of my mind.
But I am starting to miss it.
Now I am stuck in my head, wondering what could have been had I followed what I wanted.
But sometimes I also think, “Who can guarantee you will be happier following your dream?”
Ah, I don’t know anymore.
They said, “Don’t die wondering”, but I don’t think you need to be dead first to keep wondering.
I am already doing it alive.
